The Secret Diaries of “Geci” Viktor Orbán

orbn karikatra Lajos has betrayed me.                          

Friday 30th January 2015
I called the Prime Minister's office this morning, just to see what's going on. I don't spend much time there these days – I leave the running of the country to Janos Lazar, who is doing an excellent job. He's ruined relations between Hungary and the US, Norway, Ukraine and of course the EU. I couldn't have done it better myself.

Janos told me that we have to scrap the RTL Klub tax – the 50% tax on advertising revenues that only applies to RTL Klub. We introduced the tax to bankrupt RTL Klub so that my pal Lajos Simicska could take over their licenses. Sadly the EU has once again interfered in our business, so Janos has agreed to cut it to 5%.
I'd better call Lajos – he won't be pleased. At least it will be a piece of good news for when Merkel comes on Monday. She is a personal friend of one of the owners of RTL. And of course, as a condition for reducing the tax, we will ask RTL Klub to stop telling the truth on their news bulletins. (They have only been telling the truth since we introduced the tax – so much for journalistic standards!)


Monday 2nd February 2015
Merkel came to visit today. The Police did an excellent job of clearing the streets of any protestors. The opposition parties were planning an anti Orban rally to try to embarrass me
I was worried that she would bollock me about my friendship with Vlad, but in fact she seemed to agree that we should not alienate Russia too much. "We need the oil!" she said. It was quite a quick visit actually. When she left she told me that she was popping over for a meeting at the Synagogue. "Why don't I join you?" I suggested. Then she fixed that steely gaze on me and said "best not Viktor!" Not sure what that was all about.


Tuesday 3rd February 2015
I finally got round to calling Lajos about the advertising tax. I explained about how we had to cut the tax to RTL Klub.
He exploded! I don't think any member of the party has dared to talk to me like that before! He was angry because I'm handing out quite a lot of government contracts to my son in law these days.


Friday 6th February 2015
Lajos has betrayed me. The headline on the front page of Magyar Nemzet was "Orban Viktor's a wanker!" How dare he! Fortunately the people who work at the newspaper, and at his TV station Hir TV saw the error of their bosses ways and resigned on mass. I've decided to give them all jobs at the state TV station, MTV. It's useful having tame reporters there, and these guys are as tame as they come.
Still it is concerning that Simicska is now using his media outlets against me. He must be stopped. I will ask Vlad when he comes over if he can bring the snipers that took out Anna Politkovskaya!

Wednesday 11th Febrary 2015
Just heard the very sad (ha ha) news that Andrew Goodfriend is leaving Hungary. He was charge d'affairs at the US embassy and he spilt the beans on our tax schemes. I think his surname must have been some sort of sick joke. Goodbye friend!

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