The Secret Diaries of Viktor Orbán

Friday 31 May 2013

My fiftieth birthday!!

I decided to keep it low key; after all, I don't want to be accused of acting like a dictator. In spite of this, one organisation, The "Association of Women and Girls for Viktor Orbán" organised a Mass in my honour at the Inner Pest Catholic Church. Frankly I would have preferred them to come to my office and do a private strip tease show.

I dozed off during the mass, and was startled back into consciousness by an angry man shouting "You have turned my house into a den of thieves!" My initial shock gave way to relief as I realized it was just the reverend father reading from the Gospel of Saint Mark.

The Venice Commission had a rather nasty birthday present for me. They "accidently" posted their draft report on our constitutional amendments and our latest election law, and have concluded that we are sliding away from democratic norms. So that gives ammunition to our enemies in the European Union. We can expect to see lots of new interference coming from Brussels. Still, that will just turn the electorate against the E.U., so that will work in our favour at the election.

Monday 4 June 2013

Tibor was fuming when I arrived at work today.

"That bloody woman!" he shouted.

"Who, your wife?"

"No, Vivian Reding!"

Apparently in an interview with the Austrian Newspaper over the weekend, E.U. Commissioner Reding had again criticised Hungary for treating our constitution as a plaything and said that the E.U. should introduce sanctions against us. Funny how angry Tibor gets whenever Reding says anything. Perhaps he secretly fancies her.

"Well write a letter then, Tibor! Get it out of your system!"

"I will Prime Minister!" he declared, and out he stormed.

Tuesday 5 June 2013

Trianon day!

Today we marked one of the most awful days in Hungarian history. At the treaty of Versailles in 1919, 2/3 of our territory was taken away from us and given to neighbouring countries. A sad day for all Hungarians!

But where there is a problem there is an opportunity! My government has always taken great pains to speak up for the Hungarian minorities living in those Towns and Villages that once belonged within the borders of Hungary. And they appreciate us for that. So now we have given them the right to citizenship, and the right to vote in next year's general election. Chances are, most of them will vote for Fidesz – so that should be around 300,000 extra votes in the bag!

We are expecting big floods over the next few days. The Danube will burst its banks, and these could be the worst floods in 50 years. I didn't want a repeat of the events of March 15th – where we had terrible snow combined with hurricane strength winds that blocked our major roads. We were accused then of incompetence, as we did nothing to warn the motorists (March 15th is a public holiday in Hungary, what do people expect?)

So today I called a meeting of the national catastrophe agency to decide how best to deal with the flood. We had some interesting ideas. One was to extend the public work program so that it is mandatory for all registered unemployed. Then they would be required to from a human chain along the banks of the Danube to stop the floodwaters. It might not work, but it would solve the unemployment problem.

In the end we decided just to put lots of police on the roads near the Danube. They have been told to look busy, and to close off Roads, even if those roads are in no imminent danger of flooding.

FreeHungary; June 5. 2013.