The Secret diaries of Viktor Orbán

Tuesday 19 March 2013

Today the US Helsinki Commission had a meeting entitled "The Trajectory of Democracy: Why Hungary Matters."

Jozsef Szajer represented the government at this hearing. Jozsef wrote the new constitution on his i-pad, so nobody knows it better than him. He did an excellent job during the hearing, providing answers to the main criticisms that have been raised, particularly against the amendments that were passed last week. He was the voice of reason in a storm of hysteria.

But then that b#&tch came along and destroyed Joe's great work. Dr. Kim Scheppele, a constitutional law expert from Princetown University gave a detailed and quite accurate account of how we have dismantled the constitutional system of checks and balances one by one since we came to power. "Hungary is on the verge of tyranny!" she declared.

This woman spent time in Hungary during the 1990s studying the Hungarian constitution! How sad is that?

Why should I care about what a committee in a foreign land says about Hungary? After all, the MTV "report" on the news did not even mention Dr. Scheppele, so our voters don't know about her. The problem is that they will undoubtedly influence the E.U. And the E.U could then suspend Hungary's membership. All those lovely subsidies would disappear. And then the oligarchs would probably kill me.

Ok, we need to change our image. We will appear like reasonable people, as József Szajer did during the hearing: "Nothing could be further from our mind than dismantling democracy. If that's what we have done then it was totally unintentional."

And we will destroy the reputation of Dr. Kim Scheppele!

Wednesday 20 March 2013

My secretary came into my office. "Mr. Martonyi to see you Prime Minister!"

"Who?"

"Mr. Martonyi. He's the Minister of foreign affairs" she whispered.

I'd quite forgotten. These days all government decisions are made by me, Janos Lazar and Peter Szijjarto. The rest of the cabinet is just there for show.

Anyway Mr. Martonyi wished to brief me on the meeting that he (and Szijjarto) had with the Russian foreign minister. It seems that trade relations between our countries are getting stronger. And we agreed that we would back the Russians in pushing for a negotiated end to the conflict in Syria (in other words, we will ignore the fact that Russia is providing arms to el Assad to use against his citizens, and we will not support French and British calls to arm the opposition.

Thursday 22 March 2013

I was shocked to learn today that a German cartoon on a children's TV channel showed Hungary being given a red card. I called some German official and asked him to refer the matter to the German media council, but was told that Germany does not have a media council as they believe in Freedom of the Press. What a ridiculous idea!

Friday 22 March 2013

My usual radio interview on Kossuth Radio. I talked about the controversy over the constitution, and as planned was totally reasonable about it. We will listen to the opinion of others, I told the listeners, but Hungary still retains the right to self-determination. Totally reasonable!!

Of course, the listeners could not see my new Magyar Garda uniform, nor did they know that as I spoke these words, we are now cooperating more with Jobbik. We are even going to propose a joint candidate to the constitutional court.

An exciting football match tonight. Hungary played Romania, and we looked like a really good side. We were 2-1 up until the 93rd minute. Then the Romanians managed to score in the last minute. Disappointing! No fans were allowed to watch the match of course, as a punishment for their anti-Semitic chants to the Israeli players during a recent 'friendly" match.

March 26 2013

Today was the first meeting of the monetary policy committee of the National Bank of Hungary since my puppet Matolcsy took over. I sent over my instructions to the committee and told them to cut interest rates by only 0.25% for now. I also told them that we will scrap the traditional press conference after the meeting. Don't want to make it too obvious that Matolcsy doesn't have a clue what he's doing!

Freehungary; March 27. 2013.