The secret diaries of Viktor Orbán

Friday 22 February 2013

This evening I made my annual state of the nation address.

Drafting my speech was a nightmare. I couldn't really talk about Hungary having the highest fall in GDP in the region, or the huge rise in unemployment. But though I say it myself, I am a very good politician, and can put a positive spin on anything.

My researchers managed to find a positive statistic. Apparently the number of babies born in 2012 was 90,300, which is 2,251 more than in 2011. So obviously that went into the speech. I told the crowd that this clearly shows that people are optimistic about the future of our nation. Great!

Foreign investment in our country is at the lowest level for the last eighteen years; in fact it is actually negative at the moment. Some people might say that is bad news (which it obviously is) but I even managed to make this sound positive; "We are building a country in which people don't work for the profit of foreigners!" I know that nothing is surer to please my supporters than a dig at those nasty multi nationals who come to Hungary and strip the country of its wealth. (Oh that reminds me, I have a meeting at Audi on Tuesday to sign a strategic agreement).

I also mentioned some individual success stories, just to show how great our nation is, such as the marvellous performance of our athletes at the Olympic games last year, and how we have great chefs, great inventors; in short, we are the greatest nation in the world, and it does not really matter that we are starting to become isolated.

I mentioned how we had "politely" declined advice from abroad. That got a chuckle, as people remembered how we sat at the negotiating table with the IMF while simultaneously putting up posters around the country telling the nation that we would not give in to these wankers. Very gentlemanly!

Having discussed these issues, and of course blamed the socialists for getting us into debt during the period from 2002 to 2010, I decided I'd talked enough about the present, and even about the near future. So I spent the rest of the speech talking about what Hungary will be like in 20 years. Promises cost nothing!

Naturally the invited audience were ecstatic at such a wonderful speech. It was delightful to see (ex) President Pál Schmidt in the audience. I've hardly seen him since he resigned after his plagiarism scandal.

Sunday 24 February

Today was a memorial day for the victims of communism. I always make a big deal of such events because firstly it distracts people from the failures of today, and secondly, I always like to hint that my political opponents are the successors of the communists.

During my speech I declared, "A country has to be built where nobody can be discriminated against on the basis of their gender, race, religion or political views." Provided that they are white Hungarian Christians of course, and did not work under Gyurcsány!

Afterwards, I had a laugh with some of my colleagues about the case of a female Roma member of parliament who had realised she had left her money at home so couldn't pay for a taxi. She asked a male member of parliament if he could take her home. He replied "Sure, I wouldn't mind fucking you even though you are a gypsy!" Hilarious! Hungarians should be proud of the wit of their elected members!

FreeHungary; February 27. 2013.